TheDistinguishedEnglishBulldog’s Blog

December 24, 2011

Underneath the Christmas tree…

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 9:00 am

Christmas Eve is here! The humans packed me up to make the rounds to the g-parents and I was thrilled (really, my facial expression says it all) to finally see what was under that big plant the humans brought inside from the outside. I tried to pee on it once; the humans were unamused. I was mostly good around it, though the presents underneath were fun to push around while they were there. Reagan the cat loved to eat the needles and then throw them back up around the house. The humans were not amused by that either. I thought this thing was supposed to be fun? What are you supposed to do with it if you can’t pee on it or eat it? What else is there?

Were YOU good enough to get such an awesome gift under your tree this year? We opened presents earlier and I must admit… I think I make the best one. So much work will wear a guy out, though.

Merry Christmas and keep your fingers crossed that I make it onto Santa’s nice list… it’s going to be close this year.



December 14, 2011

Hello again, interwebs!

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 9:19 am

Hello, all! Sorry for the extended absence. Mom has (finally!) finished her MBA (War Eagle, she says). Which means that she now has time to help me blog. It has been soooo boring these past few months – all this reading and paper-writing and studying, and homeworks… I took lots of naps, as it was postively exhausting to watch. But, both humans tell me I’m a good study buddy. Dad has also been busy studying for the CPA exam; he has three parts out of four down! But there’s been lots of “studying ‘counting” with him these past few months. I don’t get what’s so hard about counting – I know how to count one through three because the humans are always doing that to me.

What’s new with me, you ask? Well, on the mental health front things are so-so. The humans changed up my meds which has been working pretty well, though I still have my moments. Everyone loves a dog with personality right? (Not multiple personalities, mom says.) The humans also called in the big guns – I’m working with a behaviorist and trainer at the University of Tennessee. Dr. Albright (who always tells me how handsome I am) and Nelle (who always tells me how smart I am) have been lots of fun. They come over, talk FOREVER with the humans, watch me, and play with me. I am very proud to say that I’m getting clicker trained. This is in addition to the hand signals and verbal commands that I already (mostly) know and (sometimes) listen to. Hence why Nelle thinks I’m so smart. And she would know after all – they’re professionals.

I’m super-excited about Christmas coming up; I’ve (mostly) been good this year and am asking for:

  • A new Kong (after 3 years I finally, finally destroyed the original one the humans bought me when I came home. I’m marking that dream off my bucket list.)
  • A new dog bed cover from (I love to pee on my freshly washed bed, which drives the humans batty for some reason. Doesn’t everyone do this?)
  • Cookies from River Dog Bakery (the owners have a Golden Retreiver that goes to the shop with them and he always sends me a special cookie on my birthday!)
  • Toys (the humans thought it would be funny to buy me an interactive toy/IQ test. Apparently trying to eat the toy whole was not the point.)
  • My own couch and/or bed complete with pillows and blankets. I’ve taken to fondness to napping on the couches. The humans are amazed that I know how to use a pillow (duh – I mean how hard is it?) and that I have a strong preference for being under a blanket (fleece is my favorite and I will accept a Snuggie). I’ve still not convinced the humans to let me sleep in their bed, but I’m diligently working on it. For any naysayers, I’ve already jumped up there several times but, sadly, was immediately escorted back to the floor.

I guess that’s it for now. Look for me again soon!


February 19, 2011

My TV debut is this Sunday!

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 9:51 pm

I mentioned that I was recently filmed in a starring role of an episode of House Hunters on HGTV back over the summer. Well, my episode is finally airing! Tune in this Sunday, February 20th at 10pm (eastern time) on HGTV to catch my breakout performance as a bullie struggling to find my dream home after a move to Knoxville. While money is certainly no object to me, the humans, frustratingly, had a budget. Alas, this meant neither a separate wing for me nor a separate kitchen with a full-time nummie maker. Disappointing to me, as these were on must-have list. Le sigh. My request for bullie-friendly pool (i.e. no more than 4″ deep, slightly heated to an always-comfortable tempurature, and partially in the sun so as to abide my love of sunbathing) was also not granted. However, I do still have my kiddie above-ground bullie pool to enjoy in those warmer months.

So make sure you tune in! Here’s the blurb from HGTV’s website about my big debut. While the humans seem to be the center of the episode description, I’m confident you’ll find that I steal the show. I suggest you start making appearane requests sooner rather than later, as I’m sure I will soon be in high demand, and well, frankly I can only work for so many hours (i.e. 2) before succumbing to exhaustion. I require an inordinate amount of beauty sleep to keep up my appearance, you know.

Until next time,

-T(soon-to-be- famous)DEB

December 28, 2010

Deck the halls

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 11:33 pm

Merry Christmas to me! I was very quite pretty sort of … I tried really hard to be good this year. Honest.

The g-parents – known affectionately as Meemee and Peepee (a bit unfortunate on the latter, no?) – gave me some yummy snacks and the humans got me a tasty new toy. That I promptly began destroying. Despite the words “tough” and “indestructable” being all over the label. As my dad says, I could destroy an anvil. You know, that’s something I would really like to try… How does one go about getting an anvil, anyways?

Anywho, we spent Christmas with the humans’ families and stayed at Meemee and Peepee’s house. Which means the humans had to take my crate for me to sleep in. (I have a bad habit of waking up in the middle of the night to go potty. Without telling anyone. Surprise!) But, in between loading up all the presents (looks like I wasn’t the only one who was tried to be good this year), my food, cookies, toys, and bed – not to mention the human’s bags – my crate was never packed.

Apparently mom realized this around 9pm while at dinner with some friends (shout out to aunt Caroline and unlce Jason! And, again, sorry I tried to eat Marlee when you brought her to visit.) the  first night we were at Meemee and Peepee’s. Oops #1. So the humans end up at Petsmart right as they’re closing and grab a crate. My diet and exercise routine must be paying off, because they got a crate one size smaller than I actually need. Oops #2. No one realized this until it was time to put me to bed. Oops #3. This bullie was NOT a happy camper! My badonkadonk badinkadink (I really am petite, you know) couldn’t even turn around. And when I stretched in the morning, guess who banged his A+ face on the top of the crate?

Since we were staying a few more days at Meemee and Peepee’s, the humans (wisely) took the crate back and got one that’s more my size. Fortunately,  no pictures of this humiliation exist. So you’ll just have to content yourself with this festive shot of me and Peepee. And the reindeer antlers.

Yuletide greetings,


November 16, 2010

A+ face

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 11:56 pm

I hate going to the vet. I know I’m supposed to big and tough, but as soon as I walk am dragged through the front doors, I turn into a trembling, scared weenie. The nice receptionist lady saw how nervous I was and came to pet me and make me feel better and I peed all over the floor. Oh the shame!

The humans took some cookies in attempts to distract me, but I was too nervous to eat. Too nervous to eat! Can you imagine? Me – too nervous to eat! If that doesn’t impress upon you the seriousness of my predicament, then well, I don’t know what else to say to you.

My vet is really very nice – the humans picked her because she’s very knowledgeable about bulldogs and the practice is state of the art. When the humans went over all my “issues” she was very understanding and non-judgmental. Which I appreciated. But really, sanity is overrated in my opinion. 

One of the first things the vet commented on was what a quiet breather I was. I saw the humans exchange a puzzled glance, which I ignored. She began petting me and complimented me on my defined waistline and hourglass figure. She praised my ears for being so clean (even though I protest strongly when the humans clean them) and remarked on what lovely condition my skin was in (it’s my grain free, organic kibble). And then – she looked deep into my (clear, non-watery eyes) and told me I had an A+ face. I’ve known it all along, but it’s nice to get confirmation from an official, credible source. 

I was really starting to like this lady, and then she… well, she started poking me all over. And pried my jaws open to see my teeth. And then she took my temperature. And not with the kind of thermometer I’ve seen the humans use. We just met, lady! I peed on the floor again at that point, so I guess we’ll call it even. But other than all that, it went ok. I got a clean bill of health, loads of compliments, and confirmation of my A+ face. See you next year, doc.

– T(A+ face)DEB

October 24, 2010

Airing the dirty laundry

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 10:41 pm

Gentle reader, I’ve been contemplating sharing a few things about myself that you may not know about me. I’ve gone back and forth about airing the dirty laundry, so to speak, and have finally decided to take the plunge and do hope you’ll stick by me.

I have anxiety. I take Prozac daily (yes, the human kind – I have my own W card at Walgreens with my name on it). I use a DAP diffuser. My humans work with me everyday; routine makes me feel better and helps me understand what’s expected of me. I’ve seen a behaviorist.  The humans NILIF me to pieces. My mom has read enough animal training and behaviorist books to ask questions that even my vet has to think about. All the commands I know (sit, down, stay, etc.), I know through hand commands as well as verbal.

Most of you know I’m a rescue dog; I’d like to make abundantly clear that most rescue dogs aren’t like me. Most have no lingering issues after being adopted and are as normal and grateful to their new humans as can be. No one’s sure if I was born this way or if the various abuse I suffered is to blame, but it is what it is and we’re all dealing it with the best we can. I’ve come a long way in the 2 years I’ve been with my humans and some of the earlier messes we got into when I first came around, we can look back at and laugh about. See: the great basement fiasco of 2008, the red decorative plate that looked just like my frisbee, the container full of Christmas cards, and the dining room table, just to name a few. Ahhh… fun times. Mom is harrumphing at me in the background here, so maybe I should amend that to some of us can look back and laugh.

Anywho, that’s me, laid out for all to see. But no worries – my anxiety has no effect on my adoraBULLness. Exhibit A:


September 8, 2010

Bath time? No thanks, I’m good.

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 8:43 am

Like most pooches, I’m not a huge fan of bath time. Actually, just hearing the water in the bathroom turned on combined with the words “Bentley want a bath?” are enough to make me high-tail it out of there. And shamefully, I’ve been known to get to worked over bath time that I pee when I get lifted into the bath tub. Witness here, the horror that is bath time –

Can we please be done? I promise I’m clean!

I do have to admit, though, that I love, love, LOVE being towel-dried. It makes bath time all worthwhile. I grunt, wiggle around, try to eat the towel – it’s amazing.

– T(squeaky clean)DEB

P.S. – Mom found this clip on YouTube awhile back and has been trying to teach me to do the same (minus the clumsiness of that rogue rear paw).

July 27, 2010

“How did I get so lucky?”

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 8:56 am

Not me, but my mom. She and dad saw this commercial the other day and made a BIG fuss over it. I don’t see the resemblence (though my dad definitely snores like that), but whatev.

More house pics coming soon – promise!


July 5, 2010

Presenting my new digs

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 8:35 am

The humans and I have moved into their my new place! This is me and mom in my new yard – so pumped to have some me-space back. Not that the whole place isn’t mine but, you know. This means that I get my pool back (so look for some sun-bathing pictures of me soon!).

The new place is 2 stories, so it has stairs… I’m not so used to that. Not a big fan, actually. I have to get a running start to get up and then barrel my way down (watch it if you’re on the stairs with me!).  And I’m not a big fan of having to lumber down them first thing in the morning to get my nummies. It makes me pretty cranky, actually. Pics to come; mom’s pics are all blurry at the moment (I don’t think she’s a happy camper about it, either).

Until next time,

– TDEB (from the new pad!)

June 29, 2010

My big debut…

Filed under: Days in the life — by thedistinguishedenglishbulldog @ 8:15 pm

I’d like to call your attention to the picture above, in case you managed to miss it. I’ll wait while you review.

Did you grasp the significance? You are witnessing – firsthand – my TV debut. I’ll allow a moment for that to sink in.

The guy behind the camera is Wayne. He films “House Hunters” episodes. You’ll also no doubt recognize myself, the handsome one on the couch (not that Wayne’s not handsome, but this is all about me, in case you haven’t noticed). Anywho, Wayne is filming me. In a few months, my uber-photogenic mug will be coming to you in your living room via HGTV and “House Hunters”.

Today was Day 1 of filming of the human’s episode of “House Hunters”, though I’d like to remind everyone that I certainly play an integral role. The humans were a little worried how I’d do with the film crew and all their equipment, but I loved them! Wayne, Carson (sound guy), and Susan (producer/director) rubbed my belly, gave me lots of cookies, let me play with Polly, and made sure I had a prominent place in all the shots. They had the humans take me the park where I got to run around and chase bugs, and – as you can see from the history-making shot above – let me on the couch and eat a cookie. ON THE COUCH. And the humans couldn’t say no!

I must say, that fame has it perks, as I’m already seeing. I tried to get dad to carry me outside for my latest potty break since I’m what you might call a big deal now, but he’s not totally convinced. Hello! I have my own blog and will be on TV! What else does he need to convince him that I’m the real deal?

No photos, please. It’s been a long day of filming for me.


P.S. – The humans close on the new house tomorrow and Day 2 of filming starts. I’m super excited to see my new digs. I hear there’s a yard and I’ll be getting my kiddie pool back – just in time for the July heat! Sorry to the humans that they’ll be losing the pool at their current place, but at least I’ll be able to lounge poolside again! Perhaps I can convince them to fan me while I sun…

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